For the people who aren't ashamed of being in love

I forgot what it was like to be kissed

without hands slipping into places they shouldn't be

but you reminded me

You called me beautiful

and I knew it meant more than "meet me in the bedsheets"

because to you compliments aren't innuendos

I looked into those eyes that are almost exactly like mine

but in them I see everything I wish I had

I know it's too cliche to admit 

that you reminded me how to breath

but I've been drowning

and the first time we kissed

I realized I'd been breathing in toxins all this time

before I found your lips

So let's call ourselves the Notebook 2 

I'm tired of being ashamed of sappy love

I want to write your name on the inside of my wrist

I want to think of you when Ed Sheeran comes on

I want to send you a million heart emojis just because I want to 

I want to love you
Not like the last boy or the boy before that

I love you 

As simple as that

Sometimes.

Plastic- Sofar Sounds

Everything about this is imperfectly perfect and I think I'm in love

Nails= Paris

Find what inspires you and do it 

They Call Me Everything

I'm 11:59 due dates that you could never quite make

I'm the dream that you can't remember but wish you could

I'm the 5th wheeler, heart stealer that never had a "real" boyfriend

I'm the yellow traffic light that everyone curses out

I'm the song that you liked at first but now I'm on the radio and it's not cool anymore

I'm that dollar theater seat that squeaks but it's cheap so people still use me

I'm the swear word that's not "too bad" so it's okay to say in school poetry slams

I'm the loose change in your car that you keep around for convenience 

I'm a back scratch that didn't last quite long enough

I am every kiss that went wonderfully wrong

I'm the last sentence that doesn't seem to do justice 

Writing is like smoking

All this black ink has slowly filled my chest

Every word making my charred lungs darker

But the smoke soothed my stuttering lips

And every phrase numbs the pain

It's easy to pretend like it doesn't hurt when I fall asleep

But these poems are suffocating

The very thing I live for is killing me inside

That doesn't mean I'll stop though

I'll just write another poem

So the pain can fade for a while

Yes Nelson, there is something else

This is it.
This is what it's all led up to
Hating my acne covered existence in 7th grade
Eating lunch alone in the bathroom in 8th
9th grade first kisses
Sophomore year and still labeling people as Timberline or Mountain Ridge
11th grade diet pills and depression pills and is there a pill to take it all back?
12th grade
Senior year
It's the end of the line
It's
"What are your plans after high school?"
"What college are you going to?"
"When are you submitting your papers?"
This is real talk isn't it? So let's be real
I for one don't know what the hell I'm doing
and I broke a guy's heart because I was too afraid to admit it
But we're gone this year
We're leaving the hallways behind
and our mistakes in the lockers we never used
Good riddance to ACT prep and dress codes
Good luck to the high school sweethearts
So long to the commons cliques
Kudos to the virgins
If there's anything else to be said
This is it

Faded Reminisce

I vaguely remember him

His warm breath and radio eyes

I remember the way he buttoned up his shirt 

Counting each button up to his chin 

Where he would brush his hand across his jawline

And turn to me with a smile

I remember the nights his hands found me like clockwork

He always left too soon

But I tattooed his smell on my chest 

So he wouldn't feel so far away

I remember when love became past tense

And ever since I rarely remember anything at all

Blackout

Music Box- Slam Poetry

In honor of slam poetry this week

Even nerds can slam

FINALLY posted my reveal

Brought to you by Jenna Hall and Nat Gray @pandaexpress

This Is My Heart

Blue Ticket

My mom told me not to talk to strangers

But now, almost at 18

It's an unspoken truth that I am supposed to start giving myself up

Just a little bit at a time 

To fall in love with the "right" stranger

Of course, I'll get to know him 

But I have trust issues

Especially in myself

Because I've mistaken love for goodnight texts and over-used nicknames
I actually believed in cupids arrows

And the people I thought I knew the most change too quickly

Nothing is the same anymore

But my mom told me to start going on dates again

And I'm still afraid of talking to strangers

A Gift for Jarom

Jarom Anton

A line from every post 

turned into a grand theft poem

When I was a kid I dropped a brick on my foot

I've been told I have a good heart

but Hell is in my mind

and love is blind

so WAKE UP

I'm too young

and love has left it's withered mark

and a scar that is unbearable

but it's okay

why we cry doesn't matter as much as the fact that we do 

we are still who we were when we found each other

 ...

When I was a kid a dropped a brick on my foot

because all I want is for them to see me

Sleepless in 301

Don't trace your first name and his last name

with the dots that show up in the back of your tired eyelids

And definitely don't think of his lip brushing your cheek 

2 am isn't the time to be wondering if you should have said hey or hi or what's up :)

Scratch the emoji that would mean you're too excited to talk to him

And maybe you should have hugged him with both arms over?

Wait no, he always liked his arms over your shoulders

Shit, you should have let him hug you first

Hopefully you didn't have salad in your teeth

you're trying to look slimmer even though Thanksgiving is coming up

Are you thinking about him again?

Stop

It's already 2:47 

and you're still wondering if he turned off his read receipts on iMessage

because he wanted to ignore you without you knowing

Stop it 

Close your eyes and don't try to fix the stutter you had yesterday

2:50 just sleep

2:54 It's easy, just forget about the way he makes you feel

2:55 No, cuddling him right now wouldn't make you sleep better

3:01 I love him 

3:01 I love him 

3:01 I love h

When was the last time you looked at my blog?

You probably have all forgotten about me huh?
That's okay, it happens quite a lot actually
I have a knack for disappearing.
Even though being forgotten is one of the most gut wrenching fears I have
I let it happen
Kinda like kissing the boy that everyone knows gets around but you do it anyway because those lips...
So here's to fresh starts and trying again
I'm probably not on your top 5 anymore
And when you think of your favorite writer on the blogs my name slips your mind
But don't forget about me quite yet
You haven't even seen the half of it

The reason I'm alive

She loved the night

For the stars that reminded her

She was still alive 

One hell of a brick

They painted my vocabulary with curse words and graffiti

I'm a brick

I let them decide what I would be

I'm just a brick

My mom replaced me with stucco walls

Just a brick

I stay home on Friday nights, because I never was a student section kind of person

I didn't get asked to Homecoming

Brick

My boyfriend hits on my 30 year old sister

Brick Brick Brick 

They tear me down and still expect me to lift them up 

But the pain built up inside actually held me together

And I didn't crumble under pressure

I stood my ground

I chose to be one hell of a brick

Sunday Eyes

I never was the holy type

yet somehow I always knew God sent you to me

I found you in my prayers

and now I see heaven in your eyes

those sunday eyes, they stole me away

I would have never taken you for a sinner

but if the worst lie you ever told was that you loved me

I would forgive you

as long as you're mine for another week

I'll wait patiently for saturday to end  

and have faith that when I wake up

you'll still be lying next to me 

because no matter how often you leave

those sunday eyes will always be back for more

His name was Innuendo

I'm supposed to write about love. And if you haven't noticed, almost all of my posts are about love.

But here's the truth. I have no idea what love is.

Because in 3rd grade I thought love was that boy letting me sit with him on the monkey bars. He gave me a troll doll with rainbow hair and I thought "This is love."

I lost my doll in the sandbox the next day.

In 7th grade he told me my hair looked nice and I started planning my dream wedding with my dream guy who said I had nice hair. And I thought "This is love."

At lunch I saw him playing with the Lexi the track star's hair.

At the end of 9th grade he took my hand and said he would teach me how to kiss. He touched my cheek and tasted my lips and I thought "This is love."

He told my best friend he would teach her how to kiss too.

And when I decided I was done with love, that boy showed up with his honey smile and said "I love you"

So I let him love me. Maybe a little too much. But he said I was gorgeous and "it feels so good." And after a while I thought "Is this love?"

I have no idea what love is. 

Maybe it's just another 4 letter word that should be considered a curse.

 Maybe it's a synonym for happiness. 

I guess I write about the love that I wish existed, and maybe it does.

 But if it doesn't, at least I've always been good at pretending. 

Haikus About Boys I've Loved