His name was Innuendo

I'm supposed to write about love. And if you haven't noticed, almost all of my posts are about love.

But here's the truth. I have no idea what love is.

Because in 3rd grade I thought love was that boy letting me sit with him on the monkey bars. He gave me a troll doll with rainbow hair and I thought "This is love."

I lost my doll in the sandbox the next day.

In 7th grade he told me my hair looked nice and I started planning my dream wedding with my dream guy who said I had nice hair. And I thought "This is love."

At lunch I saw him playing with the Lexi the track star's hair.

At the end of 9th grade he took my hand and said he would teach me how to kiss. He touched my cheek and tasted my lips and I thought "This is love."

He told my best friend he would teach her how to kiss too.

And when I decided I was done with love, that boy showed up with his honey smile and said "I love you"

So I let him love me. Maybe a little too much. But he said I was gorgeous and "it feels so good." And after a while I thought "Is this love?"

I have no idea what love is. 

Maybe it's just another 4 letter word that should be considered a curse.

 Maybe it's a synonym for happiness. 

I guess I write about the love that I wish existed, and maybe it does.

 But if it doesn't, at least I've always been good at pretending.